Kissu ga
by Lady Shanaee
Summary: Kai is sitting at home and thinks about his relationship with Masa, as the man comes into the room...


Title: Kissu ga…  
Part: 1/2  
Author: Lady Shanaee  
Email: Lady_shanaee@gmx.de  
Archiv: www.shanaees-realm.de.vu  
Fanfic: Kizuna  
Rating: MA  
Warning: angst, dark, songfic...  
Pairing: Masa x Kai  
  
Disclaimer: Kizuna and ist gorgeous characters belong to Kazuma Kodaka, not to me. I lend them only to   
present a friend of mine a birthday gift.  
„That's the Way Love Goes" and „Anything for You" are songs by Janet Jackson and Gloria Estefan.  
  
Author's Note: This happens on a saturday night, when a certain somebody won't let me come to sleep. It   
was a promised fanfic, which I hope you enjoy. Happy Birthday to you Keyyes!  
  
Words between // are thoughts.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Kissu ga…  
a „Kizuna" Fanfic by Lady Shanaee  
  
Part One  
Tears falling in spring rain  
  
  
„Like a moth to a flame   
Burned by the fire   
My love is blind   
Can't you see my desire?   
That's the way love goes..." (by Janet Jackson)  
  
  
It had been after the journey to Kyoto, the place, where Enjouji's mother was born. The younger one of   
those so unlike half-brothers had cajoled his silent bodyguard for such a long time, until the older man had   
given in. But that meeting with Masa, what he had longed for more than anything in the world had been   
everything else than nice. It had ended with a crying boy and a sighing man...   
  
In remind of that, Kai shook his head, as he looked out into the gentle spring rain that was steadily falling.   
Music played from a small stereo system beside him and lost in his thoughts he joined in the singing of a   
song, which the presenter had introduced as "Anything for You" by a certain Gloria Estefan, in a low   
voice. It reflected his thoughts in a strange way, summed them up in a simple way.   
  
„Anything for you   
Though you're not here   
Since you said, we're through   
It seems like years   
Time keeps draggin' on and on   
And forever's been and gone   
Still I can't figure out what went wrong...   
  
„Anything for you", Araki Masanori...   
  
// Sempai said, he'd be weak, though I always thought him to be strong. But as I was together with Masa, I   
couldn't see him anymore. He became to *that* man. //   
  
Katagiri Shinji. Although he was dead, he was still alive enough to haunt Kai with his face, his malicious   
smile, his body... Mostly when the night had fallen down, the dragon awaited the boy in his dreams. Tears   
glittered in his eyes.   
  
// I *mustn't* cry. I'm a boy, and boys don't cry... //   
  
Not that long ago, Kai was very sure to be able to take care of himself. And in some cases it was true. And   
in some cases not. Sometimes he needed Masanori Araki. But Masa didn't need him… Did he? Kai's   
thoughts swirled around in circles: Kisses, caresses, knowledge – and then again rejection, disguised as a   
joke. Again the song summarized feelings and actions of the boy, as if it was written for him only.   
  
„I'd still do anything for you   
I'll play your game   
You hurt me through and through   
But you can have your way..."   
  
What did Masa really feel? Was there, what Kai wanted to see, or was he for the other one only the son of   
his mother and she the only one, who was ever loved by the yakuza? Sighing once more the boy rested his   
head against the shôji's wood, which seperated the room from the garden. He didn't know and there was   
no possibility to find it out… Music melted with the sound of the falling rain and Kai was frightened as a   
tender, dark voice suddenly spoke from behind him.   
  
„Bon, I am back."   
  
The boy's head snapped up, brown eyes widened with terror. He had been so absent-minded, that he   
didn't hear his protector coming in.   
  
„MASA!!!" he yelled. „You dammit scared me to death! Shall I get a heart-attack?!"   
  
„I am very sorry, bon. Sumimasen."   
  
Masanori put the sun-glasses, he was wearing, in the pocket of his tailor-made black suit. The moist-with-  
rain coat he had worn before, he held in the meantime over his arm. The pitch-black hair dripped with   
wetness as he bowed in front of his young master.   
  
// Why didn't he open up the umbrella? Where has he been for so long?! //   
  
„Cut it out", Kai ordered irritated and stood up. „The old guy is out, so you can quit being that nice and   
polite."   
  
A black eyebrow was lifted in surprise.   
  
„Quit being nice?" the man asked astonished. „I am everything else than that. *You* should know that the   
best."   
  
„Masa no baka!" Kai hissed and would have liked to slam his fist in the other's face. „You know damn   
well, how these words are meant!"   
  
A smile appeared on the normally serious face of the yakuza, as he settled himself onto the wooden floor   
of the nearly empty room, they were in. He now looked even more attractive than before, despite of the   
scar across his left eyebrow, which already was some years old.   
  
"The rain seems to depress you", he said, while his dark eyes stroked the slender figure of the boy, he had   
taken care of for such a long time. „Has anything happened, you want to tell me?"   
  
The smile vanished and a worried expression took its place. Kai felt himself catched and began to shiver,   
as a flash, followed by a very loud thunder raced through the dark grey clouds. Somehow the early   
afternoon seemed to become night, a terrible darkness crouched down from the sky and the boy feared, all   
its creatures and shadows would come and fetch him. Overwhelm him…   
  
And before he realized it, he was fleeing into Masanori's arms. Those strong arms which had held him,   
sheltered him, which comforted him in their own way, when he needed it most. Which had killed   
mercilessly for him.   
  
„Masaaa...", he sobbed, unable to hide the tears, because they were running down his cheeks already.   
  
Something in this strong and musculed body seemed to become cold and angry. Each sign of friendliness   
disappeared and left something like a wild animal. A very beautiful but also very dangerous animal, which   
still was put a curb on. Still... but yet how long?   
  
„Daijôbu desu ka, bon?"  
  
The voice didn't sound like that of a human, more like a low growl. The words were spoken calmly, but   
Kai knew, that the man, who was holding him, was not calm anymore deep down.   
  
„These dreams", he wispered. „I know, that guy's dead, but he comes back in my dreams and tortures   
me... I-I can't do anything against hi-him, no matter how strong I'm tryin' to be..."   
  
„Stop bothering you", Masanori replied gently. „Shinji was one of many mistakes, I have made. I could   
not avoid, what has happened to you, and that is why *I* am responsible for your misery. Please forgive   
me."   
  
„You're not to blame!" Kai shouted terrified. „That man has *loved* you! And I was in his way. But at   
least you've killed *him*, 'cause my old man would have killed *you*, if I had died."   
  
It was not fear for his own life, that had made Masanori to kill his former lover. For the sake of his bon he   
would throw it away anytime; a scar meant nothing. It reminded him only every day of how much his   
charge meant to him.... For a while there was nothing to hear except the thunderstorm outside, Kai's   
crying and the soft melody of a song from the stereo system. The man listened more closely to the text,   
while he frowned slightly.   
  
„I can pretend each time I see you   
That I don't care, that I don't need you   
And though you never see me crying   
You know, inside I feel like dying..."   
  
The song made him think of Kai and how he might feel, if one believed in his words and gestures. The   
guitar, which accompanied the singer, murmured pleasantly in the background and confined the thoughts   
of the audience to these simple and still so true seeming words, which sounded, as if that woman was just   
before bursting out into tears, too. Masanori assumed, that she knew, what she sang about.   
  
„I wouldn't have beared it, if you died..." Kai mumbled against his shoulder.   
  
That was the reason why he had run into the way of the bullet which an assassin named "J.B." should have   
fired at Masa. But the man had refused to shoot at children and so both had come out uninjured of one of   
so many difficulties. The next time, it might not end that lightly; the scar across his left eyebrow for   
example, dated from Kai's highschool-time, who a boy with a katana had wanted to kill, because he had   
beaten him up. But Masanori had positioned himself in front of his little master and blocked the strike   
with that. Kai had been beside himself with worry and guilty conscience at that time and had taken care   
for his rescuer like a mother…   
  
„I *am* not dead", Masa answered, „and I do not intent to die."   
  
The boy relaxed in his arms and the silent man brushed tenderly through hair, that looked like leaves on   
the red maple trees outside, while he rocked the fragile figure slowly.   
  
„What can I do, to banish him from my dreams and my memory?" Kai subduedly asked.   
  
Masanori thought about it, well aware, that his answer would be important for their future relationship to   
another. Was it wise, to give in to his desire and to return Kai's emotions, to encourage them? He decided   
to give it a try.   
  
„Maybe to replace them by new ones", he smiled in a hidden challenge.   
  
Kai's eyes widened once more. Then they narrowed suspiciously.   
  
„Don't play silly games with me, Masa", he demanded. „I'm not in the mood for that."   
  
„In what „mood" are you then?"   
  
Kai freed himself from these arms, which were wrapped around him. But as the boy studied the man's   
face in front of him, he couldn't find any sign, for that this here was one of Masa's jokes. And suddenly he   
felt unsure.   
  
„But... but when I disappoint you", he stammered, „just like last time..."   
  
Fear was written all over his pretty face. Masanori shook his head and his smile became more gentle.   
  
„You could never disappoint me, bon", he explained. „I know you, since you were little, I can almost read,   
what you are thinking."   
  
Kai crossed his arms in front of his chest.   
  
„Then tell me, Masa. What am I thinking right now at this moment?" he wanted it know, trying to look   
respectful, but only managing to look cute with his red cheeks.   
  
„You are thinking about, how it would be, when *I* loved you", Masanori purred, enchanted by the view   
Kai was offering to him.   
  
The plain chocolate-brown yukatta, he was wearing, had slipped from his right shoulder and revealed   
creamy skin. Pink lips were glistening and light brown hair was shimmering in shades of wallnut and red   
maple. Dark brown eyes with golden sparks were watching him expectantly.   
  
„You are afraid of that it might hurt, like the first time."   
Kai nodded slowly.   
  
„But you won't do that, will ya?" he asked, his voice soft like a gush of wind.   
  
Instead of words Masanori shook his head.   
  
„You may kill me, if I do this."   
  
It sounded like a swear, and an experienced glance met an innocent one. Well, not *that* innocent, for   
there was something hidden in those eyes, something that showed, that the boy had seen things in his life,   
which Masanori would liked to spare him. All this, the man could not forgive himself.   
  
They spent further minutes in silence, no one dared to make the first step. Each of them feared, the other   
one might reject him. At last Masanori rose to his feet, his hands reaching into Kai's direction.   
  
„Let us go into warmer rooms of the residence, bon", he said. „Otherwise you will catch a cold."   
  
„Yeah..." the boy answered, eyes fixed on the floor.   
  
„And if you want me, I will make love to you…"   
  
* * *   
  
~ End of part One ~ 


End file.
